A Free Parent
A Free Parent is able to access their Higher Self, God Self, Inner Self, All-Knowingness, their Spirit, the Part that never dies. (See Free Child) Like Buddhist say your Higher Self is Buddha. Like Jesus said Father (Higher Self) and I are one. Like in India it is granted to listen to your God Self. Or like Abraham tells us to ‘Get into the Vortex’. Like even children movies show us to get in your ‘Happy Place’.
To access your Higher Self you must ‘shut off the chatter in your head’. The chatter is the voice in your head that gives constant comments on everything that is happening in your life, everything that you think of, that you witness, that you experience.
It is mostly negative talk, criticism, disbelief. It is the translation of former experiences that you consider to have been painful.
It is the translation of the beliefs most of the people have and find to be the truth.
It is the chatter of your Subconscious Mind (also called the ‘Monkey Mind’ or ‘the computer’ where you store memories)
(You may even think by reading this: “I do not need to become aware of anything!”, ha that is an example of your commenting chatter)
2. Listen to what you hear.
3. Ask questions whether the things you hear as comments are really true.
4. Ask whether thinking this way serves you right now.
5. Start talking to your Subconscious Mind and commanding it to let go of thoughts that do not serve you.
6. Meditate, pray, do walks in nature, dance, etc, and create more and more moments where no chatter comes up. These moments may just last as long as a second but they are very important.
7. Focus on feeling the unity with your God Self.
When you have a new baby whose primary needs are met, you will have moments that draw you there. You are so focused on the being of the baby, that you feel a stream of happiness and connection. This is when your chatter stops! In that moment you are both united in Spirit and you are a Free Parent. It is not for nothing that new parents often say to “feel like being in the clouds”
Now you have probably read similar information on the page of Free Child and indeed there is no difference for a Parent or a Child in experiencing being in touch with Spirit. This is where Parent and Child are EQUAL in the Beings that they are!
In union with Spirit you do not create patterns. With all other moments you create patterns. Especially patterns built on fear and dependence. Patterns block our Free Spirit. For a parent these patterns are ‘doubled’ by the fact that parents have the ‘role’ of parent and are supposed to act in a certain way.
The ‘buttons’ of the parent are often pressed and this has to do with the patterns and beliefs the parent has internalized. But 9 out of 10 times these buttons have to do with pressure from outside the parent and not from something that a parent really wants to be different. A child may for example be playful with the parent, but it will press only ‘buttons’ if the parent thinks in norms outside themselves like: ‘You can’t let a child do that to you’.
Our society is built around ‘following orders’, sustained through punishment and rewards.
By following orders that are sustained through rewarding and punishing, a parent is under constant pressure to ‘perform’, to be a ‘good parent’ to do ‘all the right things’.
Aren’t these guidelines meant to make it easier for a parent and help our society work smoothly?
The opposite is more true:
Despite all the guidelines, a parent may feel lost and insecure.
A parent’s belief may have been created that parenting is ‘hard’ and that you need to be a ‘tough’ parent in order to be able to handle everything and it is important especially to stay ‘in control’.
When your access to your Knowingness is blocked by these beliefs and when you do not allow yourself to listen to your intuition, to guide you in what to do and what not to do, how to respond in the here and now to the utmost unique situation, you feel disconnected and separated from yourself and from whom your child is. You can even see your child as a ‘stranger’.
But: if a child does something against the law, a parent is devastated. The child is all of a sudden no stranger. The child is felt as being a part of the parent. Even doing things outside ‘mainstream’ can make a parent freak out.
So on one hand, replacing their intuition with outside rules makes a parent
- feel separatedon the other hand
- they feel the responsibility for the actions of their child as if it were their own actions.
You can see how torn and confused a parent can feel.
The above responsibility comes from the fear of punishment. From the unspoken task a parent took on to execute laws made by others, even in a past time for past reasons.
But wouldn’t we all go crazy if there were no rules and regulations?
Our inner guidance system has embedded rules to live in peace, harmony and joy together. If this was not the case we would not have gotten this far on planet Earth. The pursuit of Happiness is our Highest Good. Empathy is a skill we are born with; being social, care for others, for the species, for other living beings and for Earth. It is part of our genes. This is how we were created in the first place.
How we use our chances to practice the skills of empathy and care makes them come alive and strong.
It is the patterns, created by continuous beliefs of harm, shame, unworthiness, fear, etc. that block the inner guidance system. Because of this, empathy, being social, care for others, for the species cannot show it’s face.
As the parent themselves may never have been taught trusting their inner Knowing and responses, it takes a lot of awareness to understand this and start changing beliefs and with that changing our reactions and behaviors into understanding and loving responses.
You can free yourself from the chains of pain that shackle you. You can free yourself from the pressure that has been put upon you as a young child. You can free you of the pressure of the demands that you think society puts on you as a parent.
There are many modalities these days to get rid of old beliefs, old pain patterns. (see also here above how to stop the chatter)
But you may not know that you also can start eliminating them by learning
- Empathic Listening
- Empathic Talking
By learning how to avoid blocking your child’s needs and wants, and letting needs and wants be a start of communication and understanding between the two of you, you can start understanding yourself and getting to know who you were as a young child and who you in fact still are.
You can find your own empathy again, empathy for yourself, empathy for others. You will see it feels so good to be gentle and mild, to be in an accepting state of what is in the here and now.
Your time has come to break the cycle, to stand up for yourself. Get rid of how you are subconsciously conditioned and programmed. You may be your greatest teacher. And yes, your child may find an example in you. As such you may have more influence than you ever thought possible. You and your child will be, each at your strength, teachers for each other. You can set the stage for a happy home. You can find the way to create Joy in your household. Both your inner guidance will assist you.
You will be able to find fun and creative solutions for society pressure that would not match your intuition. The main thing is that this pressure should not get in the way of the relationship between you and your child, between you and your partner or anybody sharing your household, being part of your family.You will discover and create circles of freedom with your child, freedom of needs you have and freedom of values you have.