By putting the conflict ‘on the table’ everybody involved is in an equal position to look at it. No matter your age, gender, background, position, everybody gets an equal say.
1. Unravel the conflict
- Deciding to give time and attention
- Deciding to step beyond judgments, putting it ‘on the table’
- Express oneself with empathic talking
- Understand the other with empathic listening
- Asses the ‘no-objection’ situation agreeing to start the co-creating process
2. Change upsets into wishes
3. Put the differences and the wishes next to each other
4. Wave them together to see how much difference is still left
5. Final resolutions for a ‘no-objection’ situation
6. Decide on how to organize and execute the resolutions
7. Check ‘no-objection’- situation on a later date.
In the parenting trainings that I teach I’ve heard wonderful outcomes of using the steps. The following story of a father in one of the classes brought everybody to joyful tears.The father of a 5 year old little boy was upset with his boy as he always started to cry and wanted to hide behind the father when they were in the park and pigeons would come close. The father thought the boy acted like a ‘sissy’ and should toughen up.
After having learned the skills to express himself and listen empathic, the father sat down with the son and ‘put the conflict on the table’.
They both came to the ‘no-objection’ agreement that the boy would hold the hand of the father firmly when he would see a pigeon, but he would not cry or hide.
When they went to the park the unthinkable happened: the boy did not even need to grab the hand of the father when he saw a pigeon. On the contrary: as soon as they spotted the playground the boy ran off in front of the father to go to play.
That night the boy declared himself free from fear of pigeons. The father declared himself free from judgment of his son.
Empathic Conflict Resolution is so powerful as there is Empathic Awareness with genuine Empathy between everybody involved.
This creates Acceptance, Understanding and Peace
Empathy releases stress.
there is room to release pain-patterns.
When the pain pattern is released and replaced by an action or a thought that is free from pain, the person can respond in freedom.
- Resolving conflicts peacefully
- Preventing conflicts from having painful memories
- Preventing conflicts from happening in the first place
Empathic Conflict Resolution also is a joyful
- Co-creating tool
The same steps applied can bring people to co-create and mastermind new initiatives!